Recently

I have been completely stressed out and so has Tyler.

With both of us having so much going on in our own lives, 

we have kind of taking it out on each other.

I try as hard as I can to not fight with him but sometimes its impossible.

I don't like being snapped at, and at times when we are both irritated

one or the other of us will start snapping and it turns into a much larger deal than it should be.

Sometimes it makes me feel helpless.

Its not like I can just see him whenever I want to figure things out

we have to resort to Skype or phone calls.

That makes it even more complicated.

It is so tempting to just hang up on him when I don't feel like listening,

but then I have to stop myself and think 

"how is that going to help anything?"

Because its not going to help anything if I do hang up on him.

It's just going to make him even more angry and I will feel guilty.

So I sit down and try to talk things through.

I have to sit and think through what it actually making me upset or angry and then

talk to him about that.

I used to just shut down and not talk about what is bothering me,

but since i have been with Tyler, I have tried as hard as I can to open up 

and tell him what I'm feeling,

As I have said before, this is the hardest relationship I've been in,

but its the one that I have loved the most.

I have never felt more beautiful or cherished or wanted by any one else 

than I do with Tyler.

He's so goofy and silly, but can be serious at times.

And even though at times it can be confusing when he changes from one to the other quickly

it keeps me on my toes and he never bores me.

I look forward to every message, every call, and anything else that reminds me of him.

He can keep me grounded and motivate me.

I feel like a lot of my success over the past year has been because of him.

He has become my main cheerleader, my ultimate motivation and the one that I want to call my 

husband one day.

Tyler is the one person outside of my family that I love without conditions, reservation,

or limits.

I would do anything for him like I know that he would do anything for me,

We have our share of not so happy moments, but I don't let them take light over

every single amazing moment that we have had together.

Every moment with him is a memory that I will never forget.

:)

The thing about love is

You don't get to pick who you love, 

and you don't always get to pick the situation you are in.

It's the hardest thing being far away,

most people know that.

It's even harder with a time difference.

I don't know how many times there have been where I want to talk to Tyler

and he's sleeping.

Or if he wants to talk to me, but I'm just getting my morning started.

Lately he has been so busy with his new job that we have hardly been able to talk

and at times I feel like I'm being slightly ignored.

I know it's not the case though.

He wakes up early to drive an hour to work very early in the morning,

which means that he's tired when he gets home.

So it will be 7PM my time, but 9PM his time

I want to talk and he's getting ready for bed.

Plus he wakes up at around 3:30AM his time

and I'm just heading to bed.

I guess I got used to when he was in college.

It was so much easier when he could stay up late because he didn't have school until the afternoon.

But now he has graduated and life for him is starting.

I know I won't be out of school for a while, 

which is another issue in itsself.

I just want to be around him

but for now all I can do is wait until he isn't busy.

Skype has been our best friend for the time we have been apart,

but even that doesn't work 100% of the time.

So we will have to see what happens.

:)

Sometimes

Being far away is the best thing

but most of the time it is just a nightmare.

You don't get to see the person you love, 

you don't get to hold them when they need it

and you don't have the same sense of security that you do when you are with them.

But on the other hand

you become closer.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder

(or at least that's what I hear)

In my case, it makes me enjoy the time I get with Tyler that much more special.

I only get to see him for about 10 days every couple of months

but those days are some of the best I have ever had.

It is such a thrill to plan a trip out to see him or for him to be able to come here for a while,

the past couple of times we have done both.

In December, he flew here for 2 weeks to visit his family and me for Christmas

and then we flew back to Illinois and I stayed there for 2 weeks.

In May, I flew there for 4.5 days for his birthday and to see him graduate from college

and he came back to California for 5 days.

It's not easy being this far apart,

but I know it's worth it

because Tyler's worth it.

He is worth everything that I do to better myself

and our relationship.

He's worth the wait of time between when I get to be in his arms

and hear his laugh

and be face to face.

Tyler is worth everything to me.

:)

This is Tyler.

This is the love of my life.

And this is our story.