Coming home

So I had a wonderful trip to Illinois with Tyler.

So wonderful, in fact, that I didn't get to take many pictures. 

Oops. 

I did get this one though.

:)

In the next few days, I'm going to sit and write out all of our little adventures that we had.

There was so much that I couldn't do it all in one sitting.

I can't wait to go back already

but for now I can just and think of all the memories we made.

:)

Yesterday

So yesterday, I celebrated 9 months of an official relationship with Tyler.

(I say official because we should have definitely been together longer than that)

While we were talking, I started about what brought us to this point in the first place.

One night, actually October 13,2012

I was talking to Tyler like I always did while he was on his way home from

broadcasting a football game for his college.

At this point, I knew that I really liked him and I wanted to be with him

but we had the trouble of being so far apart

and I didn't know how he really felt at that point.

You can put it into your head that someone likes you,

but without confirmation, you never really know. 

Anyway, we were just texting like usual and this is how it goes:
Me: I think your cute.

Tyler: No, you're cute. :)

Me: Let's be cute together.

Tyler: Let's talk about it tomorrow

...............

What?!?!?!?!?!
I had no idea what that meant at all.

I didn't know what was going on.

I was talking about us being two cute people,

so I had no idea what was going on

and that was the end of the conversation for the rest of the night.

Then the next day is Sunday.

and if you are a female in my house

then you are awake and getting ready to watch football all day.

It was about 10 in the morning and I was in the middle of a pretty intense game when my phone goes off

and its Tyler calling me.

Its not completely unusual since he's called me in the past, but never in the morning and never without texting me first.

I was confused, but answered the phone anyway.
My house has terrible reception, so it took a few tries for the phone call to go through
but one it did and we finally started talking, I knew something was up.
He sounded so nervous and just kept rambling on about one thing or another.

In all honesty, I was only half listening, I was too much into watching the football game to really remember what he kept talking about, but after a while I finally asked him why he actually called.
No guy wants to just sit on the phone forever.

Then slowly he takes a breathe and asks me if I would be his girlfriend.
It was about 3 months later than I wanted, but it still finally happened.
I was really happy and obviously said yes, I would.

Then I went back to watching football.
Nothing I could really do from here.
It was exciting and it brings me back to now and how our relationship has matured and changed over time.
We still cute talk from time to time, but now we are more focused on our future together
and how we want our life to play out.
:)

Recently

I have been completely stressed out and so has Tyler.

With both of us having so much going on in our own lives, 

we have kind of taking it out on each other.

I try as hard as I can to not fight with him but sometimes its impossible.

I don't like being snapped at, and at times when we are both irritated

one or the other of us will start snapping and it turns into a much larger deal than it should be.

Sometimes it makes me feel helpless.

Its not like I can just see him whenever I want to figure things out

we have to resort to Skype or phone calls.

That makes it even more complicated.

It is so tempting to just hang up on him when I don't feel like listening,

but then I have to stop myself and think 

"how is that going to help anything?"

Because its not going to help anything if I do hang up on him.

It's just going to make him even more angry and I will feel guilty.

So I sit down and try to talk things through.

I have to sit and think through what it actually making me upset or angry and then

talk to him about that.

I used to just shut down and not talk about what is bothering me,

but since i have been with Tyler, I have tried as hard as I can to open up 

and tell him what I'm feeling,

As I have said before, this is the hardest relationship I've been in,

but its the one that I have loved the most.

I have never felt more beautiful or cherished or wanted by any one else 

than I do with Tyler.

He's so goofy and silly, but can be serious at times.

And even though at times it can be confusing when he changes from one to the other quickly

it keeps me on my toes and he never bores me.

I look forward to every message, every call, and anything else that reminds me of him.

He can keep me grounded and motivate me.

I feel like a lot of my success over the past year has been because of him.

He has become my main cheerleader, my ultimate motivation and the one that I want to call my 

husband one day.

Tyler is the one person outside of my family that I love without conditions, reservation,

or limits.

I would do anything for him like I know that he would do anything for me,

We have our share of not so happy moments, but I don't let them take light over

every single amazing moment that we have had together.

Every moment with him is a memory that I will never forget.

:)

The thing about love is

You don't get to pick who you love, 

and you don't always get to pick the situation you are in.

It's the hardest thing being far away,

most people know that.

It's even harder with a time difference.

I don't know how many times there have been where I want to talk to Tyler

and he's sleeping.

Or if he wants to talk to me, but I'm just getting my morning started.

Lately he has been so busy with his new job that we have hardly been able to talk

and at times I feel like I'm being slightly ignored.

I know it's not the case though.

He wakes up early to drive an hour to work very early in the morning,

which means that he's tired when he gets home.

So it will be 7PM my time, but 9PM his time

I want to talk and he's getting ready for bed.

Plus he wakes up at around 3:30AM his time

and I'm just heading to bed.

I guess I got used to when he was in college.

It was so much easier when he could stay up late because he didn't have school until the afternoon.

But now he has graduated and life for him is starting.

I know I won't be out of school for a while, 

which is another issue in itsself.

I just want to be around him

but for now all I can do is wait until he isn't busy.

Skype has been our best friend for the time we have been apart,

but even that doesn't work 100% of the time.

So we will have to see what happens.

:)

Sometimes

Being far away is the best thing

but most of the time it is just a nightmare.

You don't get to see the person you love, 

you don't get to hold them when they need it

and you don't have the same sense of security that you do when you are with them.

But on the other hand

you become closer.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder

(or at least that's what I hear)

In my case, it makes me enjoy the time I get with Tyler that much more special.

I only get to see him for about 10 days every couple of months

but those days are some of the best I have ever had.

It is such a thrill to plan a trip out to see him or for him to be able to come here for a while,

the past couple of times we have done both.

In December, he flew here for 2 weeks to visit his family and me for Christmas

and then we flew back to Illinois and I stayed there for 2 weeks.

In May, I flew there for 4.5 days for his birthday and to see him graduate from college

and he came back to California for 5 days.

It's not easy being this far apart,

but I know it's worth it

because Tyler's worth it.

He is worth everything that I do to better myself

and our relationship.

He's worth the wait of time between when I get to be in his arms

and hear his laugh

and be face to face.

Tyler is worth everything to me.

:)

This is Tyler.

This is the love of my life.

And this is our story.